May 22, 2013
It was the sound of my Facebook inbox indicator. Thinking that it was one of my actual friends, I stopped what I was doing to attend to it. Unfortunately, it was a random guy asking me “Wat up?”
Normally, I don’t respond to elementary messages like this from grown men, but that night I felt daring. And well, bored. Before I could send my initial response, he duplicated his message.
This is serious, I thought.
I responded “nothing” just to see how he’d run with it. Within six minutes, I found myself schooling him on how to approach a lady and that social media platforms are not the best place. I mean, what would you do if you read that you should be doing him instead of nothing? Tuh, the nerve!
After my lesson, the conversation was pretty much over. If he were in high school, or even college, I wouldn’t think twice about it because younger guys don’t care anyway. But by his profile picture, home boy was older than me! The unfortunate part about this encounter is that at some point in his life, this had to have worked on some poor girl to make him think this behavior is OK. I feel sorry for women like them because they obviously don’t know their true worth.
Read more: here
May 21, 2013
May 20, 2013
Single Lady Encouragement | Stop Friend Zoning Good MenMonday's Motivation...
In a breakthrough sermon yesterday, parts of my dad’s message was specific to single women. Especially ones with children. Being that I fit the description, I listened intently. Of all the things he said, the most captivating was the part about your wants not always being what you truly need. To be more specific, he talked about how us single ladies are often time bullheaded and cloudy minded with male appearance preference check list.
In order to get your attention, the brotha’s got to be 7 feet tall, dark and handsome. Oh, and don’t forget the green eyes and good hair. “Why, we’ll have beautiful babies,” you think. In your mind, you see this as the image of your perfect man, but forget to add in qualities that matter, like if he loves the Lord, likes kids, and will provide. Physical distractions have left a lot of women bitter or lonely, and often times with children to raise by themselves.
The man of your dreams may be short, fat, beige and have two left feet. But in his quest to attain you, he may treat you like a Queen and love the children you already have or the ones you’ll someday want. He may not be rich, but his bills are paid on time and he spoils you every day just because you’re you.
How many of us will admit that a man’s physical appearance has hindered our thoughts?
I will be the first one to admit it. In fact, in high school, I always liked (and attracted) the dirt bags. Physically amazing on the outside, but cocky, rude and harmful on the inside was what I often ended up with. Though I was only a girl, those experiences shaped my vision of men and led me down an interesting path. I used to look for specific male features.
Is he tall?
Is he dark?
Is he good looking?
Does he dress nice?
Is he popular?
Now, I focus on a man’s heart and what his true intentions are with me. In fact, I don’t waste too much time on men when how they want me in their life isn’t clear, be it as a friend or more. I ask questions about their future and what they’re doing to attain their goals. I ask if they have respectable relationships with their mother and if they value family. Being a mom to a young, impressionable son, I’m very careful about who comes into our lives for his sake. There’s no way I could waste time on a man who doesn’t like children because I’ve already embarked on that journey. Talk about disservice to my son!
God wants us to trust Him and believe that He’ll provide exactly what we need, when we need it. Trusting Him and holding Him to his Word will bring you who you need and make you into the woman you need to be for that man.
Have you taken a good guy in your life for granted by friend zoning him?
I’m not saying that every nice guy in your life is “the one”. But the next time an exploratory opportunity arises, really think about it and ask God what you’re to do. Don’t miss out on the best man that’s ever happened to you (and your kids) because he doesn’t look the part. Superficial things like how he dresses or if he’s too fat or too skinny can be changed…in a joint effort. Take him shopping. Go to the gym with him. Cook him healthy meals. But whatever you do, don’t be fooled because he doesn’t look like Idris Elba.
Like every woman, I’m sure you have a He Must Be check list. I challenge you to revamp or restart your list by adding only wholesome qualities to it and not focus on how his appearance must be. Add the things that really matter to your life; be specific and pray that God change you into those things if you’re far away from them. Until your dream guy comes, find something to keep you busy like generating as many lines of income as you can (tehehe). But know that with patience he is coming and will love you like you’ve never imagined love can be.
Until next time,
May 18, 2013
A Facebook friend of mine asked this question on Tuesday. Naturally, only women chimed in on the response, stating that they preferred a man that is working his ass off that's on his way to the top. I responded the same way. What's not to love about a man who works hard in their potential to make something out of nothing? It's quite sexy, actually! What, with a little encouragement, support, inspiration, and a few sincere "atta boys" on his accomplishments from you, [hopefully] he'll value your dedication and ensure that you're taken care of on the back end. This, considering that he's the right type of man...for you, at that.
Of the women that responded to this question, the majority of them also stated that they're either already working towards their own financial freedoms or would dually help their man on his own fiscally fit journey, too. Again, I too, said the same thing. Surely he'll appreciate you more if you're contributing to your own dream as well, right?
The reason for this entry, though, is not to address the question or even the women that responded in the same manor as I did. (Shout out to the girls, though) The reason is to address the millions of women around the world who would have, or are, responding oppositely.
|Started from the bottom now he's...living a |
double life with a girlfriend and kids leaving his long
term wife with nothing and 20 minutes to pack her bags?
We learned just how men with lots of money and power can be 20 years down the line in Tyler Perry's Diary of a Mad Black Woman. Yes, it's a movie, and no, I don't believe that ALL men of that capacity are crazy, but there are real elements to take from it. So real that I'm internally screaming to you right now: CUT THE CRAP!
Excuse my rage, but the only other way I could have put this would have been vulgar and well, God don't like ugly.
While it's a dream to be swept off your feet and thrown into a lap of luxury by a man who's already at the said top, or even by the man you've been holding down for years who finally made it, it's a nightmare to get thrown to the side like a 1995 beeper. Sure shopping sprees, lavish vacations, expensive houses and cars are appealing. Shoot, I'd be looking for him, too! But after swiping the credit card for the thousandth time to purchase $1,000 a bundle exotic virgin hair, one should consider saving some of it, right?
Baby girl, if things go array, you DO NOT want to be on the back end fighting for your life, trying to get fixed on the Own network! (No tea, no shade, just truth) If things come to an end tonight, what would you do? If that's a daunting thought, now is the absolute time to start investing in yourself and your future. Regardless of how much love you have or share with someone, it's always wise for a woman to have her own money. I have an older, married friend who calls this her "Fuck It" stash.
Granted, there are instances where the damsel in distress is Queen, granting the distressed to live happily ever after upon her wildest dreams. (Joseline and Stevie for example. He plays tough, but he loves that girl and would kill for her!) But then, there's the rest of us girls who have to actually work a little to get a little.
You must determine why you're looking for a relationship, who you're looking for, where you both are headed together and individually, what you want in return, what you're bringing to the table, how long you intend to be there, and make sure the other person knows all these answers upfront, too. Factors vary per person, but you get the idea: communicate and know your worth.
Being as female forward as I am, I want you to understand and know that you must always bring something to the table in any situation, especially in a [long term] relationship. While it's nice, and possibly a turn on, for your man to see you working hard to bring your dreams to life, that shouldn't be what jazzes you to do it. YOU ARE THE JAZZ! Period.
Everyone goes through things in life, so if you're on a journey of damsel, I appreciate that. Perhaps this may be what you've been taught. But now that you're a big girl and should think for yourself, ask yourself why you're content...with anything. In fact, question everything around you.
Are you content with under achieving?
Are you content with low self esteem?
Are you content with all play and no work?
Are you content with spending someone else's money while putting forth no effort to make your own?
Are you content with putting your dreams on hold or in the trash for your man?
Are you content with sex for cash?
Are you content with not knowing where you'd be without his money?
Are you content?
Are you content living the way you've been taught?
Are you content with not challenging your reality?
Take a moment to think and talk to me later.
May 15, 2013
Have you ever gone through a really mean or sad cashier’s line at the grocery store or drive thru?
I know I’ve had my share!
Often times, the attitude of the cashier would pour on me, causing me to return the emotion, simply reminding me that I’m human. Other times, I’ve combated their negative emotion with a positive and uplifting compliment or conversational exchange. Usually within 30 seconds, their mood is changed and they show their teeth. Knowing that I’ve put a smile on someone’s face is a rush that I can’t describe. The joy of truly making someone happy is my joy.
Another good thing about giving nice, genuine compliments is that somehow you get them in return. Please know that admitting this doesn’t mean that I say nice things to people just to get them back in return. I’ve just acknowledged it and seen it happen in my own life. Plus, you never know when you’ll need an encouraging and uplifting word from someone. This is just reaping what you’ve sown.
Take recently for example. For the first time since I’ve been a mom - almost four years to be exact - I wore a dress to church.
You’re jazzed about wearing a dress?
Yes I am!
You see, I’ve been on and off with the weight loss thing for the past few years. This has caused me to feel less than comfortable wearing something as figure hugging as a dress. But something about turning 25 this year made me say ‘the hell with it all’ and push myself past my comfort zone. In turn, I bought a pretty, poppin’ pink dress (1 of 2 that were on sale) and wore the heck out of it Sunday morning. I was overwhelmed by the influx of nice and heartwarming compliments that I received. Folks literally walked up to me for hugs and whispered positive things in my ear. Talk about a happy Mother’s day!
Being on the receiving side of the compliment exchange was what I needed because I’d been feeling melancholy about a few things lately. It made me feel good to hear (and see) people from my church family say they were proud of me, to recognize how far I’ve come in the past few years life wise, and that I was raising my son well. You know how you know something but just need effective reinforcement? Case and point.
With that being said, I’m challenging you to a compliment challenge. Over the next 3 days, genuinely compliment 3 people. If you’re staying within your family or circle of friends, tell someone how happy for or how proud of them you are. Support what they’re doing at the moment. Be there when they need to talk or text. Say something nice and true.
Also, when you’re having a bad day, still make someone else smile. Regardless of how you think this works, making someone else happy while you feel sad or angry will immediately turn your smile upside down. Hopefully, you’ll be left with a gratifying feeling that’ll make you want to do this until its second nature. Learn to look past yourself and say nice things to people who need it.
Once the 3 days are over, reflect and report how the process made you feel. Share this with me by commenting on this blog entry or by mentioning me on facebook or twitter. (I plan to make this the first of many challenges) There’s no time like the present to change your section of the world!